


Hva føles riktig

by TheWorldIsYou13



Series: Lucifer Bingo 2019 [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Future Fic, Gen, Lucifer Bingo 2019 (Lucifer TV), President of Mars, Trixie following her parents' footsteps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 04:30:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWorldIsYou13/pseuds/TheWorldIsYou13
Summary: Beatrice Espinoza had wanted to be many things throughout her life. When she was a child, she remembers wanting to be a variety of things when she grew older, from zookeeper to President of Mars. Even now, she still holds on the idea that being the first President of the Red Planet would have been a pretty damn cool career option, but with Martian travel still as distant as it was when she was eight years old, that career path was soon only a fantasy of a child’s mind.Lucifer Bingo prompt: President of MarsEnglish Title Translation: What Feels Right





	Hva føles riktig

**Author's Note:**

> Hei! 
> 
> So, this is my first entry for Lucifer Bingo. It's for the prompt President of Mars and this is the first time I have centred a fic solely on Trixie. I won't lie, this was a hard one to right for me and I'm not 100% pleased with it, but I wanted to get it out. 
> 
> I have a couple of other ideas for some of the other prompts, so with any luck I'll be able to get them out at some point - a couple of them are even in the process of being written, but I've had some serious lack of motivation recently and with final year of University about to start at the end of this month, I'm not sure how quickly they will be up. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this. It's nice to get something up again.
> 
> See ya soon!
> 
> (title translation: Hva føles riktig (Norwegian) - What Feels Right)
> 
> PS: this is unbeta'd, so I'm to blame for any and all mistakes that you may find

Beatrice Espinoza had wanted to be many things throughout her life. When she was a child, she remembers wanting to be a variety of things when she grew older, from zookeeper to President of Mars. Even now, she still holds on the idea that being the first President of the Red Planet would have been a pretty damn cool career option, but with Martian travel still as distant as it was when she was eight years old, that career path was soon only a fantasy of a child’s mind.

As she got older, she tried a bunch of things. Whilst at middle school, she joined a band, hoping that that might spark something of a career, but they disbanded not long after their final gig at the school disco the year before they transferred to high school. She tried acting from there, going to after-school drama lessons and even trying for the odd audition when she could but, with the constant comparisons to her Grandmother’s long-lived and her mother’s very short-lived careers, she just found she couldn’t hack it. She had landed a small spot on TV advertising campaign once, but that had been more than enough. Needless to say, she had no desire to continue down that path.

When she was nearing the end of high school, thinking about what she wanted to do when she went to college, Trixie remembered a conversation from almost ten years before. She remembered being in the kitchen, talking with her mother and Maze. Maze had been trying to find her feet at that time, attending interview after interview in the hope of finding something that she wanted to do. She remembered asking Maze what it was she loved to do, quoting the advice her teacher at the time had given her. Later, she remembered her mother telling her that it was important to do what felt right, even if it meant trying a bunch of things before finding that perfect career.

In the end, Trixie realised that she wanted the same thing that her mother had wanted. She wanted to help people; wanted to make a difference; to keep people safe.

It’s no surprise really, that Trixie chose to follow in the footsteps of both her mother and her father. In all honesty, it surprised even her that it had taken her so long to go down this path. To anyone who asked, she would tell them that she guessed it was down to wanting to try and do her own thing. Just because she had come from a family of LAPD officers, didn’t necessarily mean that she wanted to be one herself. But, eventually, she realised that it just felt right. Working to bring justice, just like her mother and father before her, felt like the right thing to do.

She didn’t go into the LAPD, though. At least, not at first. When she was twenty-two, she and a friend had moved to New York and Trixie continued to both train and work in New York for the next three years as a uniformed officer at NYPD.

Until she got the call.

There had been nothing anyone could have done; the explosion had come out of nowhere. An attack on Los Angeles had meant that the entire police precinct there was ablaze. Many had been able to make it out to safety, officers and prisoners alike, but there had been 97 people who had died that day. Two of which had been her parents. Their forensic scientist and close friend, Ella, who Trixie had always adored, had only just made it out alive, but there had been no hope for her mother and father.

For the time being her career was on hold. Trixie left the NYPD and moved back to Los Angeles.

It had been tough at first, moving back home after the death of both her parents. With the help of the friends her parents had made over the years, they planned a joint funeral. Trixie had still been in her early twenties at the time and hadn’t been to many funerals over the years. Her dad’s father had died a few years previously, but aside from that the last funeral that she had known about had been her father’s girlfriend from many years ago, Charlotte, a funeral which she hadn’t attended since she and her mother had been in Europe at that time.

But the funeral went smoothly. It had been a small affair with only those closest to both Chloe and Dan in attendance. Around her were the people she had grown up with and, for a moment, Trixie almost felt as though she was nine again. But, aside from her parents, there was one person who Trixie wished more than anything could have been there but wasn’t.

Lucifer.

It had been years since he had left; so many that Trixie had stopped asking by her teens where he was. Her mother had never answered her, anyway, nor had anyone else. So eventually she had stopped asking, though she never stopped wondering. Wondering where he was and whether he was okay. She thought back to one of the last time’s she had seen him – in his penthouse with Eve, before the men with the guns had arrived – he had looked sad, lonely despite not being alone. She had wanted to be a friend to him then, wanted to know if there was anything she could do that would make him feel better. Her mother had said that he had been going through some stuff lately, but she wouldn’t tell her what and why it was that her mother – someone Trixie had always known Lucifer cared so much about – wasn’t the friend he needed at that moment.

But in that moment, sat in the middle of the funeral, surrounded by everyone else as she had said goodbye to the two people who she had loved more than anything, she had wondered where he was and if, had he been around, he could have saved them like he had done so many times when he had been there.

She had wondered if he knew.

…

In the months that followed, Trixie had been living with Ella in her apartment, wondering whether or not she should go back to New York and pick up from where she left off. Her career had been going so well and the last thing Trixie new her parents would want is for her to give up on something she cared about. But something about it just didn’t feel right.

She had spoken to Ella about it. Chloe and Dan’s deaths had hit her hard, but she still tried to remain the same upbeat soul that she had always been. It hadn’t been easy, but she was getting there.

Ella had asked her whether or not she still wanted to do the job she was doing, to which Trixie had said yes. Helping people this way just felt right, and she was loath to give it up so quickly.

So, she had done what had felt right. She stayed in LA, deciding to pick up from where she left off and formally started as a uniformed officer for the LAPD.

It seemed so obvious a choice, but one that Trixie had never really entertained until it happened.

…

She worked as an officer for a few more years, tagging along with the detectives on cases. Eventually, she found herself in the homicide division in the middle of a familiar bull-pen. The precinct had had to have been almost completely rebuilt after the tragedy, but it looked exactly the same if a little updated. From time to time, especially in the early days, Trixie caught herself in the breakroom, staring out at the interior around her, remembering the days she had been here as a child.

Despite what had happened and the reasons for her being here, Trixie had known from the moment she stepped through the doors on her first day, that it just felt right.

…

Trixie smiled to herself as she stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom of her own apartment, dressed in her work clothes, her long dark hair tied back in a similar fashion to how her mother wore it all those years ago. Today was her first day as a detective. It had been a long time coming, and hadn’t been an easy ride, but she had worked hard and had earnt her place.

She was only a couple of years older than her mother had been when she had made detective, a few years after her father had been promoted. She felt ready, if nervous.

Once ready, she headed downstairs to grab her keys and badge, pausing for a second to look at the photos that sat proudly on her mantle piece.

There were two photos that stood out to her, both of her and her parents. The first, taken on their family holiday when she had been six, had been the last holiday they had been on together before her parents had separated and remained one of her favourites to this day. They all looked happy, with hardly any worries for the future, with no idea about what was to come. The second one had been taken much later and was the last photo she had of her and her parents together in one frame. It was from her college graduation, her in the middle, standing happily with her degree with her parents standing proudly either side. Despite the happy occasion and the smiles they adorned, Trixie had always been able to tell that her parents were both tired. Things hadn’t been so easy in the years leading up to that day. Her mother, despite having moved on to some degree, still felt the gap that had been Lucifer leaving and her father had never quite forgiven himself for all the mistakes he had told her he had made. She never knew the extent of her dad’s mistakes, but she knew that they had weighed on him until the day he had died.

But regardless of any of that, Trixie looked at the photos and smiled. She hoped that, wherever her parents were now, they were watching her and were proud.

She felt like they were with her today, and she wasn’t going to let them down.

Smiling once more, she looked away from the photos and made towards the door. She was just about to open it when there was a knock on the other side. She wasn’t expecting anyone so opened the door with caution.

On the other side stood the one man she hadn’t seen in years, the man who had left without so much as a goodbye to anyone other than her mother; the man she thought none of them would ever see again.

“Lucifer?”

“Urchin.”

Trixie looked at him in shock. He looked exactly the same as he had done all that time ago, but that didn’t shock her. She knew. She knew it all. No one had ever uttered a word to her, but it hadn’t been hard to work out once she had started noticing that Amenadiel and Maze hadn’t aged in years. Neither of them were around much anymore, Amenadiel having left not long after Linda had died with Charlie now grown up, but she still got messages from Maze every now and again.

“You’re here?”

The man in front of her nodded, but didn’t say a word. Trixie used the silence to look him over. He looked tired, forlorn, as if the weight of world around him was weighing him down. His suit, whilst obviously the same as the ones she had always remembered seeing him in, didn’t seem as pristine as he wore it all that time ago and his hair wasn’t straightened and combed back, but rather sat in messy curls on top of his head. He didn’t look a mess per se; if he had been anyone else, he would have looked rather put together, but Trixie knew him better than that.

“Why?”

“I heard you work for the LAPD now and that you’ve just been made detective,” Lucifer answered.

“Yeah, it’s my first day as detective.”

“Your parents would be proud of you.” He smiled at her a sad smile and Trixie knew then that he must have heard about the attack.

“You know, don’t you?” She asked. “What happened to them.”

Lucifer nodded again.

“Why didn’t you come back, then?”

Lucifer looked down before looking back at the woman in front of him. Trixie wondered what it must be like for him, to see someone you once knew as a child to suddenly have grown up whilst you had been away. She wondered if he still saw her as the nine-year-old she had been.

“I couldn’t,” he told her. “I felt it, when they died – or when your mother died specifically – and…” he trailed off. “I left to protect the people I care about, but it seems I failed at that. I couldn’t bare to face it up here knowing that I could have been here to save them, but knowing that I wasn’t.”

Trixie didn’t know what to say to that. On some level she couldn’t help but wonder if he really could have saved them, or at least one of them, just like she had done at their funeral, but she knew that that was a dangerous road to go down, and she knew that it hadn’t been Lucifer’s fault that her parents were no longer here.

“Where are they?” She asked instead. Lucifer looked at her confused. “Are they in the Silver City?” She rephrased and Lucifer’s eyes widened.

“Lucifer, I know. I know about you and I know where you’ve been all these years. No one ever told me, but it wasn’t hard to piece together once I noticed Amenadiel and Maze had stopped ageing. And truth be told, I think I always knew.”

“You always were a very preceptive child,” Lucifer told her, a small smile on his lips and Trixie knew he was remembering their interactions from long ago.

“So, I’ve been told,” Trixie smiled.

A pause passed between them, bordering on awkward.

“Right, well I’d best be off then,” Lucifer said, looking down. Trixie nodded.

“Will you visit again?” Trixie asked, but somehow, deep down, knew that this would be the last time she would see him. Lucifer’s silence all but confirmed it for her.

He turned to leave, and Trixie suddenly felt eight years old again, wanting to run after him, so he didn’t leave again. But rather than run and latch herself onto him, she called.

“Come with me to the station.” Lucifer turned back to look at her with confusion. “It’s been a while since you were last there. No one you worked with is still there, and you don’t have to go inside, but just come with me to the car park? It’s a big deal for me today, and I could do with the moral support.”

“I…” Lucifer trailed off, clearly unsure as to how to respond.

“Please, Lucifer? One last time?”

He looked at her then and evidently there was something in the way she looked at him that broke his resolve. He nodded in confirmation and Trixie grinned at him, before closing the door behind her and heading for the car.

They drove in a comfortable silence. Every now and then, Trixie looked across at Lucifer, who seemed deeply interested in the surroundings. She knew he was remembering; she just hoped the memories were pleasant.

“Do you remember that time we made a deal for you to teach me to drive if I went to that school with you?” Trixie asked, breaking the silence.

Lucifer laughed once in response. “That was until your mother decided to cut our deal short.”

“Can’t say I exactly blame her,” Trixie laughed. “I could barely see over the steering wheel, let alone touch the peddles.”

“Well, you’re doing fine with that now, it seems.”

“Well yes, I have grown a little since then, you know.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

Trixie laughed, unsure whether Lucifer was just joking or not and knowing him, he probably did still see her as she had been all those years ago.

There was another pause between them as Trixie pulled in the precinct car park.

“Do you ever miss it?” She asked, once she had parked the car and turned the engine off.

“What?” Lucifer asked, looking at her.

“Working here, living in LA,” she elaborated.

“I guess so,” Lucifer answered, avoiding her gaze.

“Then stay?” Trixie asked.

Lucifer shook his head. “I can’t. Not now.”

“Because of mom?”

Lucifer sighed. “Ever since I left, I wanted to come back. Always wondering what was going on up here; if I had made the right choice. When I knew that your mum – and your dad – had died, there hardly seemed any point.”

“You said earlier that you felt as though you could have been there for them, but that you weren’t.”

Lucifer nodded.

“It wasn’t your fault you know, you don’t have to blame yourself.”

He said nothing.

“Mom missed you, a lot.”

“I missed her – miss her, too. More than anything I think.”

“She’s in Heaven, isn’t she?” Trixie asked, repeating her question from earlier.

Lucifer nodded. “So, I’ll never get to see her again.”

“And dad?”

To that, Lucifer said nothing, but to Trixie it said everything.

“Go easy on him, yeah?” She told him. “He wasn’t perfect, but he tried his best.”

“That he did,” Lucifer huffed a laugh.

“Thank you for coming back,” Trixie said after another brief pause. “Why did you come back, though?”

Lucifer looked at her. “My brother came to see me. He’s seen me quite a bit, it has to be said, since he went to be in the Silver City with Linda and their offspring when he visits. He told me that I should come and see you, because it’s what your mother wanted. Even now, after all this time, I still can’t deny her anything. So, I came.”

“Are you glad you came?”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, but when he did it was with a quiet, almost inaudible “yes” and Trixie smiled at him before leaning over and wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

He stiffened just like he always had done, but Trixie felt him relax into it not too long after the initial shock. She smiled to herself when she felt him wrap his arms around her, for the first time hugging her back.

The angle was awkward and slightly uncomfortable, but neither of them made an effort to move too soon. They both knew that this was an end of an era for both of them, so to speak.

When they pulled apart, Trixie looked at Lucifer with tears in her eyes. “Goodbye, Lucifer,” she said, trying to hold it together. When you next see Amenadiel, tell him to tell mom that I’m glad you came to see me.”

“I will.”

“Well, time for me to get in there, I suppose.”

“Is it much different as to the last I was here?”

Trixie shook her head. “Not really. They kept everything pretty much the same when they rebuilt after the attack. Bit more updated, I suppose, but it hasn’t changed that much.”

They got out of the car after that, standing on either side of the car facing each other.

“Thank you again, Lucifer,” Trixie said. “For everything. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, Beatrice.”

She smiled at the rare use of her first name. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

She smiled at him one last time before locking the car and making her way out of the carpark.

“Oh, by the way,” she heard Lucifer call from where he still stood by the car. Trixie turned to look back at him. “Good luck…Detective.”

Trixie grinned at the nickname he had always called her mother. She nodded her thanks before turning back around, knowing that if she tried to say anything, she wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears she could feel threatening to spill.

She reached the doors of the lift up to the precinct and glanced back towards her car. He was gone and she knew this time he wasn’t coming back.

As sad as that knowledge was, and the realisation that she was unlikely to ever see him again, Trixie smiled.

She made her way up the precinct and made her way to her new desk. It was in the same place as her mother’s had been, all ready for her with a plaque reading _Det. B. Espinoza _in white lettering adorning the front end. She grinned, putting her bag down and logging on to the computer.

She stopped on her way to the Lieutenant’s office, looking at the plaque of names of those who had fallen during service for the LAPD. She scanned the list of names until her eyes caught one of the names she had been looking for.

_John Decker_, the grandfather she never had the chance to meet, but carried with her regardless. In her family, he was something of a hero. Reading his name sent a wave of pride running through her. He had been the first of them; the first one to inspire the generation below him. Without him, Trixie knew she wouldn’t be standing here today.

She carried on scanning the board until her eyes hit the other two names she had been searching for.

_Chloe Decker_

_Daniel Espinoza _

Her parents. Her parents who had inspired her to get to the position she was in right now. They had only been two of the many people who had raised her in her formative years, but they were the ones that she carried with her most. They were the ones she wanted to make proud above anyone else. Without them she wouldn’t be here. They had told her to always do what felt right and to follow her instincts. So, she had.

But there was one other piece of advice, from one other person that had helped Trixie get to where she was. She had never dwelled on it much growing up, but it was always there in the all the choices she had made. Her desire to be and do good had been a huge part in her career choices without her even realising it. It was only now, now that she had just seen him again after all this time; had just said a final goodbye to the man that had taught her this from the start, that she knew how much of an impact it had had on her.

So, if by the end of the day, there was a new name sat proudly next to her mother’s, on the board of those who would be remembered, despite the circumstances around his departure from the LAPD being different to the rest of the names on the board, then it was there because Trixie desired it so.

Beatrice Espinoza had wanted to be many things in her life, but of all the different careers she could have pursued, there was nothing that felt more right than what she was doing now.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on tumblr!  
Follow me at: letmelookatyouagain


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